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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210469">Rita has two hands, and they're both for Sasha</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_dreams/pseuds/astral_dreams'>astral_dreams</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast), The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brief mention/talk of death, F/F, M/M, Rita has two hands!!, Rita says Poly rights!, So this crossover is strange but I don't really know how to explain it, The Major Character Death is Sasha and it's offscreen, This is going to be a vague set of related oneshots outside of the first two chapters, Thisis so self indulgent, and now Rita has two girlfriends names Sasha, basically Sasha goes to Hyperios City when she dies, this goes out to the TOH stream chat, time/dimention travel shenanigans, who were also screaming about rita x sasha x sasha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 06:41:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_dreams/pseuds/astral_dreams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasha never expected to die, but neither did she expect to wake up in the arms of a cute secretary on Mars of all places. Oh and the secretary's girlfriend has the same name as her, but it's okay because they're poly.</p><p>aka a really dumb and self-indulgent crossover au.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita &amp; Juno Steel, Rita/Sasha Wire, Sasha James &amp; Tim Stoker, Sasha James/Rita (Penumbra Podcast), Sasha James/Rita (Penumbra Podcast)/Sasha Wire, Sasha James/Sasha Wire, Sasha Wire &amp; Sasha James</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rita has two hands, and they're both for Sasha</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is so dumb, and also the first chapter is the first half of their meeting. I am just so tired. I wrote this at midnight instead of sleeping, so I'll get to the next part a bit later. I'm planning like one or two follow up chapters that are just dumb oneshots. This doesn't really have a plan, but is just really self indulgent.</p><p>On a side note, I really hope I did Rita and Sasha J. justice. I'm just going to call TPP Sasha 'Wire' so I'm not confused.</p><p>if anyone wants context, the people at Penumbra recently did a second stream in which the cast plays out and voices the fan game Juno Steel and the Thief of Hearts and I watched it live. It was amazing, by the way. And among the chat just vaguelly screaming at every concept that was in the stream, a few people mixed a one off comment in the game about Rita having dinner plans with Wire and then joking that Wire was Sasha J. and then it evolved into Rita x Sasha Wire x Sasha James and now here we are. </p><p>I have no excuses, this is so self indulgent. I love Rita, that is all.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was dark and empty and she didn’t know where she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All Sasha could remember was the overwhelming feeling of fear and confusion in the tunnels as she was attacked by the strange creature before she went unconscious. And then she floated for a while. It didn’t feel like sleeping, just nothing. After a while she heard a voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve come to quite an end, haven’t you? It’s quite sad really, dying alone in some rotten tunnels. It’d be a shame if you died having accomplished nothing more than being another victim to the Stranger…” the eerily familiar voice trailed off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sasha felt a nonexistent shiver run down her spine. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m dead? What do they mean by the Stranger? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her thoughts ran wild.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she could get too wrapped up in them, they spoke again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m feeling generous today. I think I’ll give you another chance somewhere far away from here. Wouldn’t want to mix up the plans already in motion in this universe, but who’s to say there aren’t others out there. You could think of it as a gift, and all you’d have to do would be to walk through my door.” The voice saif with a shrill laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another world? Another chance at life in some place she has no idea about. If she couldn’t go back to the Archives because whatever being was talking to her thought it was a bad idea, another world might just be her best bet…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you made up your choice? It doesn’t really matter if you have I will give you the option either way. Just go through the door and the chance is yours,” the voice finally said before going radio silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>True to their word a door appeared. It was a  bit jarring to look at in the spanse of nothingness, but as Sasha’s eyes adjusted she started to get a really good look. It was a solid wood door with a large window on the top. It was scuffed and burnt at parts - part of the glass was still shattered - but it looked like it had been broken and then put back together with care countless times. There was a mail slot that seemed never to be used and a nameplate that read ‘Office of Juno Steel, P.I.’ with a sticky note that proclaimed ‘And RITA!!’ stuck underneath it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door was bright. It wasn’t shining, more like something was shining behind it. The kind of light that Sasha couldn’t ignore. As if in a trance, Sasha moved closer before slowly turning the doorknob. Bright light filled her senses and the last thing she heard before it completely overwhelmed her was a voice calling ‘Good luck, little assistant.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she came to she was in the arms of a lady. The lady was on the shorter side with a big bun of bright clue curls on top of her head. She had big red cat eye glasses and the loudest makeup Sasha had ever seen. It suited her face in a way that made Sasha’s stomach do strange things and was all she could focus on as her hearing slowly came back to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-Mistah Steel, I don’t care if we don’t have a case with her, we need to take her to the hospital. Honestly boss, the way you're acting it’s like we have ladies fainting through our door every weekday!” came the peppy but worried voice of the lady.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A disgruntled mumble could be heard from the background before Sasha groaned and went to cover her eyes with her hand. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God, this room is bright.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! She’s waking up!” the lady exclaimed, “Miss, are you ok? I got real worried there, ya know? One thing the door’s closed and then BANG! There’s a flash and it opens and you just faint right through the doorway. I had to run to catch you before you hit your head. It was like this one stream I saw with Frannie last week where the hero has the run to catch the damsel in distress- Oh my god! I’m an idiot, you need to lie down! I would usually offer a couch, but our office is too small for that. Though I’m sure Mistah Steel would absolutely love to give you his big comfy office chair that he keeps hoarding to himself. Isn’t that right, Mistah Steel?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Rita, no!” a lower, more gruff voice shouted in complaint.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t sound like a yes to me, Boss. Now be a good host and let the injured lady sleep in your chair,” the pretty lady chided.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>… So her name’s Rita? Suits her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Was all Sasha could think before slipping back into unconsciousness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She awoke to Rita and the lower voice arguing. She groaned as she tried to adjust herself to a more comfortable position and the chatter went silent. She could hear padded footsteps approach her before a hand rested itself onto her shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you awake Miss Mystery? You were out for a few hours, and I know you’re probably feelin’ real shitty, but you need to eat some food or you’re gonna feel even worse. Now, I have some leftover Venusian food from last week as well as my snack collection, but I don’t know what you like. So, if you’re feelin’ better, could you tell me what kinda food you like?” Rita asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sasha just let out another groan before finally succeeding in her attempt to find a better position, which just so happened to be sitting up. When she was steady, she finally opened her eyes slowly as to make sure she wasn’t overwhelmed by all the lights. To her surprise, the lights seemed to have been dimmed so she took this opportunity to look around the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was on the smaller side and was obviously an office. It had two desks, one covered with papers and folders and stained coffee mugs and the other with a computer and neat paper stacks topped by bags of snacks that Sasha could even attempt to recognize. She could however get a better look at Rita. The lady was standing a bit away from where Sasha was in her chair. In a plaid skirt and sweater combo, Rita’s getup was giving Sasha very cute office girl vibes. Her face was creased with worry lines as she seemed to ramble about something called streams to the other person in the room. A taller man with a black sweater and slacks with a dirty tan trenchcoat, who Sasha could assume was Mistah Steel (according to Rita) cut an imposing figure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rita’s attention snapped back to Sasha as if she was expecting her to answer her previous question. What had it been about, oh yeah, what kind of food she wanted. Rita had mentioned Venusian, which was a cuisine Sasha had </span>
  <em>
    <span>heard </span>
  </em>
  <span>of, but it still took her a minute to formulate a response as her brain didn’t want to work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I’m fine with pizza,” Sasha mumbled, not knowing what else to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rita’s face scrunched up with confusion and she looked over at Stell who just grunted in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“‘S old Earth cuisine. Some stores will charge you a lot of creds for it, but lucky for our </span>
  <em>
    <span>guest </span>
  </em>
  <span>there’s a place around the block that makes it real cheap. You’d be surprised how simple some of the recipes are, and so they’re cheap to make. I’ll go order it,” he explained to the confused lady before stalking off to the corner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rita turned back to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You got interesting taste, miss. I ain’t never had Earth cuisine, especially not pre-war! It was on one of my streams, one of those historical ones, ya know? The show is set in Earth before Mars was even colonized and they’re constantly ordering in pizza for dinner. Was the strangest thing! But you probably don’t think it’s strange if it’s the first thing you think of,” she rambles before continuing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyways, I should probably introduce myself! Hi! I’m Rita and I like salmon-puffs, streams, and I’m real good with computers. But anyone could seem good with them compared to Mistah Steel, who’s over there scowling at his comms. He may seem grumpy, but he’s a nice lady once you get used to him. He sometimes buys me snacks instead of yelling at me! What’s your name?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s a pause in which Sasha tried to get her footing in the conversation. Rita is extremely energetic and seems to ramble at any given opportunity, which is fine by Sasha, but some of the words she mentioned confuse Sasha. Streams? Comms? Old Earth cuisine? Sasha couldn’t even begin to understand, so she didn’t try to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m Sasha James, nice to meet you Rita.” she said, holding out her hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rita gladly took it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice to meet you too, Miss Sasha!”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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